Emotionally Focused Therapy with Jackie Nelson
I had the honor and pleasure of meeting with Jackie Nelson, LPCP who offers a unique approach to counseling for her clients, using primarily Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT*) and adding in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Poetry to compliment as needed.
Jackie was drawn to EFT after hearing about it from a friend. She learned that EFT is based on attachment theory – the understanding that attachment is a deep emotional bond that connects one person to another, and ultimately serves in one’s ability to reach deeper levels of emotions and processing of emotions. This concept of attachment resonated with Jackie. She felt that attachment is a fundamental part of being a human and believed this particular approach could provide healing and transformation for her clients, so she became certified in EFT.
In her work, Jackie has seen first-hand how the EFT approach can help her clients better understand why and how they process their emotions in a certain way and she helps guide them to deeper levels of emotional healing.
“You can’t be human without longing for safe and secure attachments with people.”
– Jackie Nelson
What is Emotionally Focused Therapy?
EFT is a therapeutic approach that focuses on identifying and addressing the root causes of emotional distress by exploring the underlying patterns in our past and current relationships. It is a research-based approach that helps individuals and couples develop stronger, more secure bonds with oneself and with others.
Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, EFT is based on the idea that human beings have an innate need for emotional connection and attachment, and that our relationships are a central part to our emotional well-being.
How Emotionally Focused Therapy Works
EFT focuses on attachment and the emotional connection between individuals. By exploring one’s emotions and their style of attachment, EFT aims to help people gain a deeper understanding of their feelings, needs, and underlying internal dialogue. EFT involves working with an attachment therapist, who creates a safe and supportive environment for clients to explore their emotions.
Therapists like Jackie understand that care, comfort, and connection are essential for people to feel safe, seen, and accepted in their relationships – both with themselves and with others. Providing a therapeutic relationship for people allows them to feel safe and secure, so they are able to shift the way they process and experience their emotions, and the way they connect with others.
Benefits of Emotionally Focused Therapy
As people work with an EFT therapist, they are able to better identify and express their emotions. They’re able to improve the way they communicate their feelings and needs in a healthy and effective way, which helps develop confidence.
As confidence improves, it helps shift an internal dialogue of negative thought patterns or negative self-beliefs to positive ones. View of oneself and their world-view becomes more positive, and their actions and behaviors begin to reflect their improved internal state. This all contributes to experiencing deeper levels of self-acceptance and self-security.
When people feel more safe and secure, people can learn to have greater empathy and understanding for others. They can become more emotionally flexible and become better able to navigate challenges in their relationships.
Ultimately, EFT helps people develop emotional regulation, emotional flexibility, trust, and confidence, which can lead to decreased anxiety, depression, phobias, and PTSD.
Emotionally Focused Therapy – Attachment and Attachment Styles
Attachment theory is a core component of EFT. Attachment theory suggests that we all have a basic need to feel loved, cared for, and secure in our relationships. Our earliest experiences with caregivers shape our attachment style, which in turn shapes how we approach relationships in adulthood. EFT focuses on helping individuals and couples identify and understand their attachment styles and patterns, and how they impact their relationships.
For a quick reference, the four attachment styles are:
- Secure – Confident, Trusting, Not Reactive, Resilient, Reciprocal
- Anxious – Fear of abandonment, rejection, codependence
- Avoidant – Dismissive, Isolated, Distant, Distrusting
- Disorganized – Distrusting, Emotional Dysregulation
In EFT, the goal is to help people move towards the secure attachment style.
Emotionally Focused Therapy and Depth of Emotions Scale
With EFT, the objective is to safely and securely reach deeper levels of emotional states. Therapists like Jackie work with client feedback in the present moment and guide people to build a roadmap to know where they are on the scale of emotions so they can progress to deeper levels.
The Depth of Emotions Scale:
- Physically engaged
- Verbally engaged
- Internally reference a feeling
- Name the feeling
- Visible emotion
- Vulnerability
- Confidently express about feelings, emotions, needs
Limbic revision, or brain rewiring, happens when people safely experience higher emotional states with a secure attachment. In other words, breakthroughs happen when people who have been stuck in states such as 4 or 5 on the scale are able to safely reach states 6 and 7 with a secure attachment.
The Neuroscience behind Emotionally Focused Therapy
I really enjoy learning about the neuroscience behind therapies, because I love understanding how therapy can actually help people rewire their brain in a positive way!
The neuroscience behind EFT is fascinating! Similar to other psychotherapies, EFT harnesses the power of neuroplasticity – the brain’s ability to change, reorganize, and improve its functioning.
EFT can help regulate the emotional centers of the brain, specifically the amygdala and the insula. These are the areas of the brain that are responsible for processing emotions and are often overactive in individuals who struggle with anxiety and depression. EFT helps to calm these areas of the brain, which can lead to improved emotional regulation and ultimately a greater sense of well-being!
Emotionally Focused Therapy and Your Relationships
EFT can be applied to any type of relationship, including romantic relationships, parent-child relationships, and friendships. The first step in applying EFT to your relationships is to identify and understand your attachment style. Once you understand your attachment style, you can begin to work on developing greater self-security and improving your communication skills.
Through examining your own attachment style, you may be able to identify attachment styles in others, and you may be able to notice the depth of emotions in others as well. When you understand these concepts, it may shift your perspective and foster a feeling of empathy and understanding for others.
EFT can really be a powerful tool for improving the quality of your relationships and helping you develop stronger, more secure bonds with others.
Emotionally Focused Therapy Techniques for Self-Discovery and Emotional Growth
EFT offers a number of techniques that individuals can use for self-discovery and growth. One of the most effective techniques is journaling or writing poetry!
Journaling and writing poetry can help individuals identify and express their emotions, develop greater self-awareness, and tap into their inner wisdom.
Other techniques include mindfulness, meditation, and visualization, all of which can help individuals develop greater emotional regulation and self-security over time.
Finding an Emotionally Focused Therapy Therapist
If you are in the Boise area, Jackie Nelson can be found at https://www.jnelsoncounseling.com/. She may or may not be taking new clients, but I so appreciate her sharing her expertise and her unique approach using EFT with EMDR and Poetry!
If you are outside of the Boise area interested in exploring EFT, it is important to find a qualified EFT therapist who can guide you through the process. To find an EFT therapist, you can search online here or ask for a referral from your primary care physician or mental health provider.
Advice from Jackie
In these information interviews, I love to ask that if someone is starting their wellness/healing journey, what advice would you give them? Jackie’s response: “Give yourself permission to go at your own pace. Choose your helpers. Give yourself permission to really choose. Be selective.” That is wonderful advice, thank you Jackie!
Emotionally Focused Therapy Resources and Tools for Continued Learning
There are a number of books, podcasts, and online resources available that can help you deepen your understanding of EFT.
Jackie’s Picks:
- Books by Rupi Core, Writer & Poet
- “Love Sense” By Sue Johnson for couples
- “Hold me Tight” By Sue Johnson
- Online course for couples by Sue Johnson
Some additional recommended resources include:
- The “Emotionally Focused Therapy Podcast”
- The International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT) website.
Closing Thoughts – The Transformative Benefits of EFT
EFT is a powerful therapeutic approach that can help individuals and couples develop stronger, more secure bonds with each other. EFT is based on attachment theory and focuses on helping individuals understand and regulate their emotions in relationships. By building greater self-security and developing effective communication skills, individuals can become more emotionally flexible and better able to navigate the challenges of their relationships. If you are interested in exploring EFT, you can seek out a qualified EFT therapist and/or take advantage of the many resources and tools available for continued learning!
You Were Made To Thrive!
Thank you so much to Jackie Nelson for taking the time to teach me about her amazing work with Emotion-Focused Therapy!
Thank you to the readers of Thrive & Co. I hope that by providing this information, it gives you hope that there are an array of approaches to therapy, so you can choose an approach and/or Therapist’s approach that resonates with you!
Please know – you were made to thrive! If you are feeling stuck, there are tools to help you get unstuck – tools like EFT!
It’s my honor to support you on your journey to find hope and healing.
In wellness,
Jeanna Rice, Thrive & Co.
* EFT -Not to be confused with Emotional Freedom Technique that has the same acronym.
